yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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