I just cut my nipple shaving
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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