and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
