Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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