I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
