he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
