I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
