I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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