I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
