That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
