I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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