I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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