God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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