I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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