Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
