Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize