Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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