Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
