i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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