im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
