I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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