when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All I want is dick and wine.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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