So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize