I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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