so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
