Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
