Kiss
Puke
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
