Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
