i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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