Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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