Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
