Non-Jews are for practice
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
