didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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