Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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