do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
