This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
