The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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