Your face is a jimmy john
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
