Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
