happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
