Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
