What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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