so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
