lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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