Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She swung at the pinata with crutches
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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