I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
