My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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