i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
