Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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