Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
