When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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