You're so nebulous sometimes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
