UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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