You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The ass gains better be worth it
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