You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
